Unconstructive critiscm, slagging and random disinformation from the Melbourne music scene.
Ok, so you are from melbourne, that means you are probly in a band . But chances are that band is a derivative, soulless heap of turd. Its ok, get over it ....
Tote Front Bar, Collingwood. Jan 11 2014 If I had gone to last weeks episode of the Cuntz Tote residency then I think I would have seen them every weekend since the end of November....and you know? there IS such a thing as too much of a really bad thing. Anyway this week the front bar was heaving (once the 'Muteants (supporting) finally gave up on the "technical issues" wank and got their shit together (aka found the power lead)), people tearing themselves away from the high risk BBQ in the beer garden and pouring back into the front bar when the band kicked into another brilliant set. One day I'm gonna get a decent camera but until then: Heres a fake disco Jam from Melbourne's fav fake synth punk band in fake super 8...
What a difference a week makes: if the crowd for Deafheaven was 90% males who didn't have a girlfriend, then tonight it was 90% women who did and I was kicking myself for not wearing my flower print dress and full sleeve tat ensemble.. The vibe was great: the Corner was packed to capacity but still it seemed everyone had a little bit of space to dance and I only got told off once for getting in someone's way.
So Kathleen is a bona fide legend and we hung on every word she said and sang, no "Run so fast" (which really wouldn't have worked live) but "Goodnight Goodbye" , "Come On!" and "Just my type" delivered the pop hits most bands only dream of, the mix was kind to Kathleen's vocals (or rather to our ears) and she looked great (yes, I know.. but...), seemed to be of good health and having fun even though the dance moves were arguably appropriate to her age ...unlike the outfit which can only be described as "Feminist Statement". Last time I saw her ( 20 years ago at the Bull and Gate....) Bikini Kills' (boy) guitarist had to wear a pigs head through the entire set so I guess those statements are getting more refined (if no more decipherable to a poor hetero/chauvinist/running dog lackey of paternalism like myself) over time, but It was all brilliant ...and so nice to see bands at the top of their game playing shows in little old Oz.
This turned out to be one of those fabulous Melbourne summer nights that started early, finished earlier and didn't really need the jumper you almost lost at each stop. Tom Lincoln and Ohms at the Tote, Footy (we won) in the city, Cuntz and TV colours at the Vice party and then back to the Tote Cobra Bar for dancing to crap jazz/blues/beebop tunes and somehow I got home with the money I left with!!! (I didn't wake up next to a half finished curry/kebab but heh 5 out of 6 aint bad..).
Anyway back to Ohms : This is the turbo-powered punky-pop sparkler-topped bottomless-low-carb-mocktail that Debbie Harry would've Dyed her roots for (err I mean "did"). The girl/boy voices go together like 7/11 Slurpees and yesterdays Donuts, with really irresistible (chuckle- irresistible - Ohms ..get it?) harmonies and tormenting earworm choruses that last well beyond the use by date.
Following the new Geschlect editorial policy I am compelled to say this group had a good beat , splendid glow in the dark fluoro pink bass strings, and the singer was cute.... and they have a good name too....ah enough of this - Im gonna stick the boot in!!!
For some reason I have a "Dancehall Crashers" cd and the vox really remind of that band , but that Cd is a bit of a guilty secret, you see I have a bit of problem getting too enthusiastic about pop groups with cute girls in , I keep thinking "go get ready for your prom or whatever" ..prove to me you really are ugly on the inside like the rest of us...but this time I just concentrated on the dayglo bass strings so it wasn't a problem....
For me the better tunes came towards the end of the set when her voice started to rasp a bit, So I'm gonna skip poking fun at the battle of the bands stage presence and the Crown-casino-Bacharach-esque number (which was actually pretty good but dont tell anyone) and give my "dix ponts" to the last song , the gloriously titled "Nightmares of Gene Simmons" where a "Brain that wouldnt die"-like verse sets up a nearly, (not quite), but touching on, "This is my fist" chorus ..resulting in : pure-downhill slalom punky-pop-magic.
mmmmm that reminds me: I love "This is my fist" ..so while you are at it listen to this puppy for an idea of where pop-punk might lead when you cut the saccharine with a bit of strychnine , snort a couple of lines of it and find something to get REALLY pissed off about.
If I had gone to last weeks episode of the Cuntz Tote residency then I think I would have seen them every weekend since the end of November....and you know? there IS such a thing as too much of a really bad thing. 
